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Sasquatch Risks All
To Attend Solo Bassoon Concert


WASHINGTON, DC -- World-famous virtuoso concert bassoonist Lynn Gaubatz refused to confirm the persistent rumors that a Bigfoot turned up in the audience of one of her solo performances. A source close to the kindhearted musician quotes her as saying "I'm worried that Bigfoot hunters would use the information to pinpoint his location. I appreciate the devotion of my audiences, and I'd hate for one of them to lose his freedom because he loves music and appreciates fine bassoon playing. I'm hoping that in the future he'll just lay low and buy one of my CDs."

Eminent cryptozoologist Whitney Tokunaga explains, "Lynn seems to have an unique magnetic quality about herself and her music that has attracted and enchanted many listeners, human and otherwise. The old saying 'music hath charms that soothe the savage breast' has a sound basis in scientific fact. Obviously the creature felt that the music was so beautiful it was worth the risk of being sighted and captured. As scientists, we felt it was our duty to come forward with this information, and we hope to persuade Lynn to fly to Scotland to play her bassoon on the shores of Loch Ness to draw out Nessie for photos and research. We are looking for funding for this project now."

Rumors have swirled for months, fueled by unofficial reports by audience members who spied the cultured apeman leaving the concert hall after the performance. While the location of the concert is still officially undisclosed, according to published reviews Lynn has given a number of solo performances at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which is technically a National Park. Many previous Bigfoot sightings have been in National Parks around the country, but there have been no other recent Sasquatch sightings reported along the Potomac River in the Washington, DC metropolitan area.

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